Sunday, June 12, 2011

Weight/Wait

Now that Kevin is officially on the heart transplant list, I've been getting the same question from everyone "Are you going crazy waiting? Not knowing when you'll get the call?"

My answer is simple. No, I'm not.

Am I attached to my cell phone? Yes, but then again who isn't these days?

Am I anxious about waiting for the call that a heart is available for him? No.

Honestly I couldn't be more relaxed at this point. I come from a place of thanks. Upon hearing they were listing Kevin I felt this HUGE weight lifted off of my shoulders. I'm lighter. I've got more pep to my step. It might sound strange to anyone reading this but if you really think about it, you'd be relaxed too. I'll try to explain...

For those that don't know... when Kevin was discharged back in November, we were on the "LVAD explant" path. It was believed that Kevin's heart had indeed recovered. In early February when he went in for the supposed explant surgery, only about two hours of him being in the OR did our lives change yet again. We were transplant bound. His heart hadn't recovered.

We wrapped our heads around the whole being transplant bound. Went through transplant education and as most of you know, Mr. Insurance got in our way. A catch 22 so to speak was put on the table. Something was standing in our way of getting Kevin listed. It seemed rather simple in the beginning but this "something" consumed my life and became my crusade, my battle, my war. It was my job to fight to get the love of my life on that heart transplant list. I can't even begin to tell you how heavy I felt. It's almost like eating two very big plates of fettucini alfredo & an entire loaf of garlic bread. That heavy feeling in your stomach you get.....gross, right? Well that feeling was in my stomach from February until June. Four months of fettucini alfredo just sitting in my stomach. Most times I wanted to just vomit but doing that would be giving up. And well, I don't give up....I just can't... not in me...wasn't raised that way and neither was my husband.

So, when the news came that he was being listed.... it was as if all that weight had disappeared. And rightfully so, because we won. Since then, I am, as a few have told me, overly prepared for the actual moment when we get that call. Everything is in place. Even our boys are prepared. So, do you now understand how I can be so relaxed about this whole waiting part?

Like I said earlier, I come from a place of thanks. And when we get that call, when that time comes, I will still come from a place of thanks. Think about it. Someone will have had to make the decision to donate their loved ones organs in order for us to get that call. I will come from that place of thanks. I will be forever grateful.

Celebrate life. Rock on.

1 comment:

  1. I have always said that anything alfredo is bad for you. But seriously, you have battled the insurance companies and come out victorious. If it weren't for who you are Kevin would be far from having it resolved. For being such a strong individual and someone who wouldn't give up, Mom and I are extremely grateful. We know you and he are prepared for the call because there is no other way you could be. And if you think that heavy feeling in your stomach is gone now, just imagine the feeling when he is home with his new heart living his life to the fullest.

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