traumatized for sure....

It's spring break this week, boys are off from school & I'm working from home. Yesterday I decided to take the boys to Travel Town. Fun place. We're train lovers so it was an easy afternoon of fun...or at least that's what I thought it was going to be.

We go, have our fun, both fall asleep in the car on the way home, and I put the car in park in our driveway. Kaeden suddenly realizes Daddy's car isn't in the driveway. Daddy was out to lunch with a friend. The questions begin..

"Mommy, where's Daddy?"

"Mommy, why isn't Daddy's car here?"

"He's out to lunch with a friend sweetheart."

I open the door, we walk into the house, and the search begins...both my boys start searching the house for Daddy. The kitchen, the bedroom, his office, the backyard, etc, etc.  While Quinton seemed fine  and believed my answer of Daddy being out to lunch.... it was Kaeden who seemed uneasy. And then it began.

My poor son was completely devastated that Daddy wasn't home. He didn't want to believe me that he was  just out to lunch with a friend. It spiraled into some serious crying while still searching the house for "Daddy." Still crying he came over to me and asked again "Mommy, where's Daddy?" My reply was the same as before "He's out to lunch with a friend, let's call him on Mommy's iphone. Will that make you feel better?" I'm pretty sure that made it worse because by now he had been crying for 10 - 15 minutes and the last time we used Mommy's iphone (face time) to call Daddy...well, Daddy was in the hospital. Then he started to seriously cry worse than before saying things like "I didn't hug him. I only gave Daddy one kiss when we left." "Daddy's in the hospital again? Is his heart sick?" This statement sent his brother into a small tizzy as well. Quinton starting asking "Is Daddy in the hospital Mommy?" "No, he's not, he's out to lunch with a friend." Quinton wasn't crying but looked unsure.  Kaeden was to the point of hyperventilating and I was at the brink of tears myself. It was heart-wrenching to see my sweet little boys so traumatized.

After 30 minutes of this, my brainiac idea of laying down on Daddy's side of the bed & using Daddy's pillow worked. (it worked in the past when they were missing Daddy....they just needed his smell like I often did those first few weeks) Kevin had suggested we try face time but he couldn't get a wi-fi connection so Kevin just called instead.....which honestly didn't work either. It just sent Kaeden into a tailspin yet again... more crying.. finally he calmed down and within 15 minutes Daddy was home.

Yesterday was just something that sent my mind racing. For instance, what if we get that "call" for a heart at 2 am? Naturally Kevin & I rush to the hospital and someone else comes to our house to watch the boys for us. BUT both boys will wake up & realize Daddy isn't here....Mommy isn't here. Will they be ok with whoever is here watching them? Will they be hysterical? Will they remember back to October when they woke up in the morning and we weren't here?

I know there isn't much we can do because our boys have experienced more trauma than the average 4 year old. We have started prepping them for when transplant time comes. Granted he's not even on the list yet but we're going to have to take it one day at a time for now. One hurdle at a time.